The Day I Stopped Looking for Family

By Larni Mailer, Fernwood Fitness

I spent most of my life looking for family. Not because I didn’t have one, but because I never really experienced the kind of trust and safety that most people build their lives on.

My relationship with my mother was marked by alcoholism and emotional pain rather than security. I didn’t meet my father until I was fourteen after years without contact and with him living on the other side of the world, building a close relationship was always difficult. Looking back, it’s no surprise that trust didn’t come naturally to me.

What I was searching for was something harder to define. I was looking for belonging.

For people who truly understood me, people I could trust and people who would still be there when life got messy. The irony is that I didn’t realise I was searching.

I thought I was building friendships, creating communities and surrounding myself with people, but looking back, I can see that much of my life was shaped by a need I didn’t fully understand.

As an adult, that showed up in ways I couldn’t always see. I would become friends with staff, clients and people around me because connection was something I craved. I often called people “family” because I wanted them to be. Sometimes they were and sometimes they weren’t and it took me a long time to understand the difference.

Building a Business While Feeling Alone

Like many entrepreneurs, I spent years carrying everything myself. When you’re growing a business, people often see the success. They see the team, the growth, the opportunities and the milestones.

What they don’t see is the loneliness. At one point, my business grew from nine people to more than fifty. From the outside, things looked great, but leadership can be incredibly isolating, particularly as a woman. You’re responsible for everyone else’s wellbeing, everyone else’s future and everyone else’s problems.

Meanwhile, you’re still trying to be a good partner, a good friend and a good parent.

My children have always been my greatest motivation. They have also been my greatest reminder that life is about more than work. Balancing family, leadership and growth often felt like carrying a weight that very few people could understand.

I became very good at holding everything together and I wasn’t very good at letting anyone help.

The Moment Everything Became Clear

Just before I joined EO, I read Simon Sinek’s Find Your Why. It was one of those books that cracks something open inside you. For the first time, I started looking honestly at the people in my life and asking difficult questions. Who was really there? Who was only there when things were easy? And who truly knew me?

Some of the answers hurt. I realised that many of the people I thought were my tribe weren’t actually my tribe at all and while that was painful, it was also liberating.

Once I stopped pretending something is real, I created space for something that is.

“My Doors Are Closed”

When I joined EO, I carried all of that with me. I remember sitting in my first Forum and telling the group:

“My doors are closed.” At the time, it felt like a statement of fact. I wasn’t being dramatic, I was being honest! I had been disappointed too many times, hurt too many times and let down by people I trusted. I wasn’t interested in opening myself up again.

But something happened that I didn’t expect. Nobody tried to force those doors open, nobody judged me and nobody told me what to do, they simply showed up.

Month after month, conversation after conversation, story after story and slowly, trust started to grow. Not because people earned it through grand gestures, but because they were consistent, vulnerable and most of all because they shared things that mattered. They understood a life that very few other people understand.

Finding My Tribe

Today, when I think about what EO has given me, it’s not the business tools, it’s not the frameworks, it’s not even the incredible learning opportunities, it’s the people.

For the first time in my entrepreneurial journey, I don’t feel like I’m carrying everything alone. I know that if I have a difficult month, there are people who understand. If I face a challenge, there are people I can call. If life throws something unexpected at me, there are people who will sit beside me without judgement.

The funny thing is, I joined EO thinking I was looking for business growth. What I found was something much more valuable, I found my tribe.

For the first time in a very long time, I stopped looking for family because I realised I already had one and today, my cup is full.